So I have a friend to thank for this! One evening when we were discussing our pasts they suggested I start a blog. While I understand the therapeutic benefits of journaling and have written on and off for years, I never considered my experiences could help another. Being there to help others within my circle is one of my foundational beliefs; having given and received it at crucial times I know the true value. I suppose my hesitancy is multi-fold being mostly based inherent need for privacy for a variety of reasons. We shall see where this portion of my journey leads….
To understand the journey to return to my self would begin with a bit of history. I began the journey re-embrace my beliefs at a point when I openly acknowledged the destructive behavior of my spouse of many years. Much of my early steps were transitioning from a reactive environment and was very much subconscious. Only on retrospective evaluation did I realize my mind and soul were seeking to heal themselves and I was just along for the ride. I was married to someone who for all my efforts was unable to accept unconditional love. I suppose I could begin to toss out labels but I am not sure of the benefit of unprofessional diagnosis after the fact . There were tendencies of sociopathic behavior clearly a result of his previous experiences he was very self-loathsome. There was extreme destructive behavior to anyone who was open to receive it including himself. While standing in the midst of such conduct it is difficult to assimilate it non the less understand the root causes or the implications.
My marriage of almost 17 years ended in one final destructive moment of hatred and rage in a very volatile incident. I had grieved for many things up to that point and since. I will share my journey through the grief and how I found my inner peace, happiness, and my self.
“The only journey is the journey within.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke