Recently I was talking to a dear friend and mentioned we need to go see Ricki and the Flash, the new Meryl Streep movie with Rick Springfield. We reminisced about how he was a heartthrob when we were young girls, having those teen magazine posters everywhere. I said that was when love was sweet and I was naïve. It seems like I have traveled a million miles since then, I wonder if that optimistic open hearted girl who was excited to conquer the world is even still in there somewhere. I just think of all the scars I carry, making me damaged, a bit broken, and a bit more fragile then I once was. Life has been tough, often cold and brutal, not the grand adventure I thought it would be. I think of how the world was not what I thought. My soul has suffered many bruises from the words and actions of others. I think of the times I fell apart in pieces, as if about to crumble to dust and I think of all the little parts of myself that were left in the muck of life, or those that were blown away in the storm never to be recovered. I think of all the burdens I now carry, the weight of guilt, the stain of shame, the pain of remorse. All these encumbrances make it difficult to move through life, to search for that girl I once knew. I am sure she has taken refuge deep and secure, even afraid to look out and realize if it just a boy in the street crying wolf, for the threat has long gone. I am unsure how many times I can pick myself up collect my broken pieces, balance my heavy load and nurse my wounds but what other choice do I have?
“Within you there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” -Herman Hesse