Fumbling Buffoon


Why do I get lost in translation, between what I want to say with my heart  to what comes out of my mouth is a different rendition?  I have often wondered why I fumble with the words from my soul. I can stand in front of hundreds of my peers and present concepts but when I find myself in a safe place with someone I care for, I cannot always speak my truth with the same clarity. Just the other day I wanted to share some reflections on the past few years and say a simple thank you to a friend, I wanted to show my appreciation and recognize what they shared with me and I stumbled through just a few sentences, ultimately making a heartfelt moment into an awkward mess where I am afraid I made them feel bad, hurting them.  At a different point I wanted to ask just a few questions, although they were the difficult ask, they were simple questions and there too I felt that when beginning the conversation it just began to crumble apart along with my courage.

I often wonder if this is why I believe that old adage, actions speak louder than words, because my words sometimes fail me thus I work hard to show my feelings and thoughts through my actions.  It is as if my heart and soul wants to say something and it gets filtered through the mind filled with emotions and fears and is never said as it was originally thought. I seem to have no trouble in writing the thoughts but when if comes to the conveyance, why does my voice fail me?

“Sure, it would have been easy to point out where they felt short. It’s a lot harder to meet them where they are and acknowledge the fact that they were trying. And what else can you ask someone to do but try?” -Ash Beckham


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