A friend from another lifetime sent me a link to the Grateful Dead show in Santa Clara. As I was watching the first set I realized that I knew exactly where I was 20 years ago at that moment which is often a rare event. I was in a parking lot in Pittsburgh selling Tie-dye t-shirts waiting for to watch what would turn out to be my last Grateful Dead show. That realization made me spend most of the day being quite reminiscent.
At that point in life I was pregnant with my first child, named for one of my favorite songs. I was full of life, as I was still hanging on to the world by the tail I thought I could conquer it all. I thought I was strong and knew how to resolve everything. I was so naïve. I had no idea what I would face over the next twenty years. I had faced some challenges in my relationship, was beginning to know the depths of emotional abuse but had no idea the extent to which it would reach. I bore three children, finished a master’s degree, took additional classes, learned to blow glass among other types of art, had my dream job twice, tried to leave a disastrous marriage more than once….survived many unspeakable things but I raised two of my three beautiful children, still working on the youngest, made amazing friendships, , saw the sun rise on at the first place on the United States and saw it set at the last point in the America and have had amazing adventures in between.
As I was thinking of my life, I realized that wide eyed naïve girl has learned so much. I know the core of my strength, understand that love is patient and kind, understand the power of forgiveness, have seen the importance of compassion on both sides, had my faith that grace exists reaffirmed, I know the damage fear can cause and how peace and contentment can heal, while there may have been moments I doubted it I have been blessed more times than I can count; I am so grateful for my journeys and am truly happy. I am ready for embrace the next adventure of my life!
“Once in a while you get shown the light. In the strangest of places if you look at it right.” –Robert Hunter